It's P00PY, isn't it?
by LapisDIDNOTHINGwrong101
Summary: I don't own Steven Universe. One Day, Pearl tells Steven a bedtime story about Greg and Rose's wedding, should be very pleasant! Contains language and a few poop jokes.


A/N: I don't own Steven Universe, I'm not really into poop jokes but I could see this scenario happening to Pearl. Although in a different universe, this story does contain a t tiny bit of Pearl the Accidental Sex Offender's DNA. Anyway enjoy!

_**It's Poopy, Isn't It?**_

*Steven's room*

Pearl is putting Steven to bed, he is 7 years old.

"Hey Mommy Pearl, can you tell me a bedtime story?" The young Steven asked.

"Of course." Pearl replied with a smile.

"YAY!" Steven said all excited, as if Pearl's story wasn't going to be fucked up or anything.

"I'll tell you the story when I found out your Mommy married your Daddy instead of marrying me." Said Pearl.

(Story Flashback)

*Greg and Rose's Wedding Reception*

Rose and Greg are having a pretty large Jewish wedding with numerous guests ranging from Earth to Homeworld: Lapis and Peridot are discussing their favorite Adam Sandler movies, Aquamarine is eating some Kosher pickles with Topaz, Mayor Dewey is pinching a girl's ass, while Jasper tangoed with both Yellow Pearl and Blue Pearl. After finishing their _hora_ (Jewish dance in which the bride and groom are lifted above the crowd in chairs) Greg and Rose sat at the main table as the food and cake was brought in.

"Wow Rose our wedding is great!" Greg said to his wife Rose who was very pregnant and a few days away from having Steven.

"Thanks Greg, while Blue, Yellow and White were annoyed about that war I started, they're happy for us! And after sleeping with them, they won't invade Earth!" Rose replied as she kissed Greg.

As everyone took their places, Greg clinked his glass w/ a butter knife, stood up and was about to give a wedding speech...but then…..

(Door slams open)

**"ROOOOOOOOOOSE WHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY?!"** Roared a sad, drunken Pearl.

The entire room was shocked, even the newlyweds.

"Rose….who is she?" Greg asked all confused.

"Oh no….." Rose said.

As Pearl drunk-walked over to Rose, her stomach started making these weird digestive sounds.

"Greg…Pearl… look….." Rose Tried to explain.

"YOU BROKE MY **HEART AND BALLS**…. BUT MAINLY MY HEART!" Pearls sobbed.

"Pearl you don't have balls." Rose tried to reason with Pearl.

"WELL THAT'S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE: **A SWIFT KICK TO MY BALLSACK IF I HAD ONE!** (Shapeshifts some male genitals before punching herself downstairs to see what it feels like and falls to the ground crying, but gets back up after the pain subsides)** I WAS LOYAL YET YOU FELL FOR THIS FUCKING FAGGOT?!"** Pearl swore.

"Pearl I'm sorry, I should've (hears digestive noises along with a fart) Pearl…I thought you don't eat?" Rose asked as she pinched her nose.

"I don't, but after talking to a bum at a bus stop, I learned humans tend to drink alcohol like Four Loko and eat large quantities of Taco Bell in order to feel happy again." Pearl explained in between farts.

Greg tried to intervene. "Um Pearl, I'm sorry for taking Rose, but alcohol abuse isn't the answer, nor is eating lots of Taco Bell because one Taco alone can cause serious…."

**"SHUT IT YOU FUCKING JEW!"** Pearl roared all Anti-Semitic.

Everyone in the room gasped…... even Mayor Dewey.

Rose then said, "Pearl that's enough! As your Diamond…"

(Mockingly) "_A-a-a-a-a-a as your Diamond_….. Shut it you fucking PIG! (farts again as she summons two swords and scares the crowd) ….I'm going to sing _"It's Over Isn't it?" _but I'm replacing each _"over"_ with a different word to best describe what I'm feeling." Pearl snarled in between farts.

Pearl stands in the center of the room, and starts to sing. (while screaming)

"_Its…__**POOPY**__…isn't it, isn't it? Isn't __**POOPY?**__ (small fart)_

_Its __**POOPY**__…. isn't it, isn't it? Isn't __**POOOOOOPY?! **(__Bigger fart)_

_You __**Jews**__ won, you __**fucked her**__ and she __**fucked you**_

_and now she's…__**she's**__…..(digestive growl)" _

Due to the Taco Bell, Pearl shat herself so hard that her shit tore through her pants, showered onto the wedding cake and even burned through the floor. Gallons upon gallons of wet fecal matter were joined by equal gallons of bile as Pearl hacked her guts out from the alcohol. Pearl then bent down, scooped up two handfuls of puke/shit, drank it down and said to Rose _**"THIS IS WHAT I FEEL LIKE NOW THAT YOU'RE WITH GREG INSTEAD OF ME!" **_in between slurps. Disgusted and horrified, guests everywhere ran out of the room and dialed 9-1-1. Pearl then threw up on Rose, which caused her to go into cardiac arrest for some reason.

**"ROSE NO!"** Greg cried out as he picked Rose up and brought her to the next door Hospital where she would give birth to Steven before dying.

Responding to the 9-1-1, **SEAL TEAM 6** broke into the room wielding MP5'S w/ laser sights and took aim at Pearl who was now covered from head to toe in bile and shit.

**"DROP THE WEAPONS AND GET DOWN ON THE GROUND, RIGHT FUCKING NOW!"** The lead SEAL ordered Pearl.

Pearl just sat on the ground with her swords and finished softly with:

"_It's __**poopy,**__ isn't it?_

_Why can't I __**poop**__ on?_

_It's __**poopy**__, isn't it?_

_Why can't I __**poop**__ on?"_

Pearl was then lit up with round after round from the MP5's, causing her to poof.

(Present)

"Then after some intense therapy, Amethyst, Garnet and I adopted you…**THE END!**" Pearl said to Steven.

Steven's mind was scarred as he went to sleep.

THE END

A/N: Hey guys I'm back and I hope you all had an awesome Easter Weekend, I'll upload the 4th Yu-Gi-Oh! chapter either tonight or tomorrow. Anyway take care and feel free to review.


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